The other day I was in
a low place. I was exhausted from everything going on in my life,
and I was not feeling well. I had other obligations, and this
included a meeting. During this meeting, I was ridiculed for one
thing. It was not too bad, but this ridicule coupled with fatigue
broke me emotionally. I have never felt this way before, and I have
battled depression.
This brokenness was
different from anything I have ever experienced. As I traveled home,
I was on this road that is normally dark and scarcely traveled. As I
drove, the enemy attacked me in a manner that both shocked and scared
me. Every failure, every rejection, every misstep, and every mistake
was whispered to me. It was as if there were several people in my
car just reminding me of the times I was not enough, not good enough, not smart
enough, not fast enough….not enough. I literally felt
darkness trying to invade my being, my soul. I pulled over and cried
out to God. I realized this was something different, something that
I could not fight alone, actually, I could not fight this at
all. There was no way to physically fight a spiritual being
or attack.
God fought for me, and
I came out victorious, but not without knowledge. I realized that in
my busyness, I have not been as apt to study God’s word or really sit at His
feet and allow Him to talk to me and prepare me for the
unknown. This is why I was caught off guard. I was ready
to give up EVERYTHING and just be when this attack started,
but realized this is not God’s will for me. I have since made a
conscious effort to INTENTIONALLY put myself before God and
sup at His table. There is nothing on this earth worth me losing my
soul, my peace, my joy, or my mansion in Heaven.
I also found that there
are still unresolved issues in my life that I must face in order to take the
venom from the enemy and make his weapons ineffective.
