Depression

There was a time that I battled depression.  The funny thing is, I knew I was depressed but had no way of "pulling myself out of it".  For those who have never battled with this condition, let me tell you, it is not as easy as it seems to "just get over it," nor is it simple to "keep it moving".  For me, this condition could have been debilitating, except for the fact that I had children in the home.  There was mornings that I could barely drag myself out of the bed.  Dressing was like lifting 200 pound weights.  Brushing my teeth required a large amount of strength and endurance.  These things don't seem feasible to one who has not battled depression, but understand it is a real, everyday occurrence for those who experience depression.

It's hard to even describe this malady.  Most believe if you were stronger, you would not have to deal with such a wimpy condition as depression.  Yet, many are taking their own lives because of depression.  Many feel worthless, unwanted, and at a loss because of depression.  

Depression is not a weak person's ailment, but an ailment.  This ailment can cause many other areas of one's life to suffer.  Depression is real, BUT there is a remedy, a cure, if you will.  That cure is Christ.  I found that when I walk according to the Bible, keeping my mind stayed on Christ, I don't fall into depression.  When I am consumed with giving praise for the good and the bad alike, I can't be down in the dumps at the same time.  When I am in the joy of the Lord, depression is nowhere to be found.

So, my endeavor is to stay connected to Christ so that I can overcome depression.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

May God's Blessings be upon you!

Be Encouraged!

Let your day be filled with laughter.
Let your light so shine.
Let your peace confound others.
Let you be surrounded by love.
Let your heart be filled.
Let your shoulders be light.
Let your conversation be useful.
Let your walk be upright.
Let your memories be sweet.
Let your smile be pure.
Let your expectations be met.
Let your day be good.
Let your night be better.
Be encouraged.

God Is In Control

Never let your current situation determine your future destination.
Always remember that God is in control of everything.  He may allow some things to happen, but it does not mean He has left you to fend alone. 


Don't let a negative experience cause a series of negative experiences. 


God is in control.

Clear Separation

As I ponder this title, I am reminded of a glass window.  When looking through the glass, you can see clearly to the other side.  For instance, if it is raining outside and I’m inside a house, I can look through the window and see the rain.  I can see puddles being formed, people splashing, some with umbrellas trying to protect themselves from the rain, and cars driving through puddles, causing a splash.  I can see all of this and never get wet as long as I stay in the house. 

The Lord has told me that we need to be sure there is a “clear separation” between Christians and sinners.  The calamity we’ve seen thus far is nothing compared to what is going to happen, to what’s coming.  Christians need to be sure they are covered/sheltered under the wings of God.  Then, we will only see what happens and we won’t have to experience it ourselves. 

Take heed.

Psalm 91:1-7;  (KJV)

¹ He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

³ Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

⁴ He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

⁵ Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

⁶ Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

⁷ A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

MOMMY JOURNAL - PART 1

As I walk into the doors yet again, I am filled with dread.  I hate coming to this place and for this reason.  I hate the smells of the entire building, so clean it holds a stench.  I hate seeing all these people in either scrubs or lab coats.  It’s depressing to know that I have to spend yet another day in this place, trying to keep my spirits up in order to not be a burden to her.  As I ride in the elevator, I am both relieved and anxious about being alone.  I am relieved because I know the tears will come.  I am anxious because I don’t want them to come.  You would think my tear ducts would stop creating tears.  I don’t eat, don’t drink, and barely sleep, so I am not sure where they are coming from.  As I ride up in the elevator, I try to hold my breath, floor 2.  On the third floor, I exhale loudly.  On the fourth floor, I feel my eyes watering.  On the fifth floor, one sole tear escapes and rolls down my cheek.  On the sixth floor, my destination floor, tears are streaming down my face, but there is no sound, silent tears.  As the door dings and opens, I wipe my tears and take several calming, deep breaths.  My self-talk, “get it together, you can do this!  You will not walk in there with tears running down your face!  You will be strong for her!”  I get to the room, gently push the door open, and walk in.  I look towards the bed, and I see my mom.

How do you prepare for someone you love to die?  I mean, you see them every day struggling to stay in this world, for what?  For me?  My mom was holding on literally for dear life for her children.  Me, the baby of the bunch, refused to believe that my mom would leave me.  I mean, I had two sisters, but only one mom.  How could she leave?  Could I let her go?  She appeared to be sleeping when I walked in so I took a seat next to her bed and began to pray.  I prayed for healing.  I prayed for longevity of life.  I prayed every prayer I knew to pray, silently.  I touched her hand, and held on.  There was a sixth sense that this would be our last time alone.  At one point my mom opened her eyes and looked directly at me and said, “I am ready.  I am not scared.”  My heart broke.  My world shook.  My breath was gone.  “NNNNOOOOOOOO!” rang in my head, but no words came from my mouth.  I couldn’t chance trying to voice anything.  My mother; my rock, my world, closed her eyes, squeezed my hand, and went back to sleep.  I stayed for at least another hour.  I had to savor that moment.  

Not until my children called, did I find the strength to move.  So, in slow motion, I stood, and walked to the dreaded isolation box called the elevator.  It seemed it took an eternity to get to the first floor.  I headed to the exit, hating and loving the doors at the same time.  Loving it, because I was going to get away from the stench, the lab coats, the scrubs, and the dread.  Hating it, because I was leaving my mother in this place of death preparation.  For, all they could do was “keep her comfortable”.  What exactly does that mean?  I should have asked when I had the chance.

Don't Carry The Load

There are times that we find ourselves overwhelmed with life and its challenges.  It is in these times that we must remember that God never intended for us to carry the weight of the world.  He indicates that His burdens are light and His yoke is easy.  So when you are overwhelmed, lost, and at your breaking point, be reminded that it is not our job to do what belongs to God.
Cast your cares on Him.  He is waiting for you to relinquish your control over a situation that you hold no control over.

Take a deep breath in, and when you release it, also release your cares, concerns, hopes, and dreams to the One that can change things.

Be strengthened in the Lord.

Good Communication Is Key

Recently I was forced to pay close attention to how I communicate with others.  I tend to utilize brutal honesty in cases when I am tired or extremely frustrated.  I tend to shut down when I am angry, and I am closed off when hurt.  I am overly responsive when things are good.  So, this wonderful array of responses can really throw someone off their game when communicating with me.  A person is not sure what type of response they will get from me, because they are not sure what emotion I am going through that day.

During a training, the topic of communication was brought up, and I was slapped with the fact that my communication style is not the best.  Though humans are emotional beings, this does not automatically give me the right to respond in my emotions, spewing confusion onto those who have no clue what is going on in my personal or professional life.  My bluntness often comes as a form of attack and a first strike.  If I strike you first, you are less likely to rebut.  This is a form of aggression and not acceptable in most circles. 

I have been forced to look within and find the root of my behaviors and I am glad to say that I am learning things about myself that I have paid little or no attention to in the past.  I know there is always room for improvement, and I tend to improve upon myself until I am no longer breathing.

I ask you all to do the same.  Look within and find out what can be improved upon in your lives and make the necessary changes to be the best you you can be.  It will not be an easy feat, trust me.  However, once you have changed one thing for the better, you will be encouraged to continue the process.  This change is not for anyone else’s benefit, but for yourself. 

Communication is a large part of my everyday life.  I need to know that when I communicate with others, that there is no malice and no misinterpretation of what I am saying.  I need the people to know that what I say comes from a place of honesty and consideration. 

There is a saying that you only get one chance to make a first impression.  While this may be true, there are still opportunities in any relationship to either build or severe.  I choose to build.  What about you?

Quiet Rustling

Having a moment and wishing God would explain every aspect of my life to me in plain English.  

I don't understand much of what is going on at this very moment, but I do know I have done all I know to do.  I have prayed every prayer I know to pray.  I have taught every lesson I know to teach.  

So, now, I resume my seat at the Master's feet, and I say, quietly in a whisper, "Teach Me, Master."  

I am the clay, He is the potter.  On this day, He will mold me into the vessel He wants me to be.

The Covering

As I sit and think about the goodness of God and how often He has chosen to spare my life, lead me in a different way, or to simply instruct me on an issue, I am amazed at how He has protected me. Then, I thought about the covering. In Psalm 91:4, the scripture indicates, “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.” The Strong’s Dictionary online defines the word ‘cover’ as “to entwine as a screen; by implication, to fence in, cover over, (figuratively) protect – cover, defence, defend, hedge in, join together, set, shut up.”

So, in essence, God is defending me, hedging me in safety, joining together with me, shutting me up in protection, fencing me in, covering me, and putting a screen about me so that no danger, no harm, no ill will, no sickness, no disease, no hurt, no curse, nothing negative can get to me. And I will trust the power in His wings. I will trust in His protection, in His covering, and in his safety, for I am covered!

Beauty

It is amazing what we consider beauty.  Today we look to television personalities to tell us what is considered beauty.  We look to super models to determine if we are the correct weight, height, or are dressing to impress.  Men attempt to look like The Rock or the newest, hottest male super figure.  However, true beauty is not only seen by looking at the outward appearance of a person.  True beauty starts from the inside and flows outwardly.  So, work on the person who resides inside of you and make sure that person is the best you.  Once you have created a best you, you will see the inward manifested outwardly.

Beauty is not skin deep, it is soul deep.  Work on your soul and your beauty will shine through.

Do You Make Bad Choices, or Do Bad Choices Make You?

In life we have to make all kinds of decisions.  We have to decide where to go to school, what to major in, who to date, how to save, if we want children or not, and if we will do right or wrong. 

Sometimes we make the right decision and other times we do not.  Regardless of the decision you make, understand that one decision does not change who you are as a person.  We have all made the wrong choice at one time in our lives.  Hopefully this choice was not one of life or death.  If the wrong choice is made, use it as a learning experience and build upon your knowledge.  Do not let one bad decision ruin your perception of yourself.  Realize you are human just like the rest of us, dust yourself off and get up and move on.

Confession:

I’ve made some decisions in my life.  Some have been good, and others bad.  I am not a product of just the bad decisions, but I am a product of all my decisions combined.  I will not make the same bad choices again, and I will learn from my mistakes. 

Overall, I am a good person, intelligent, and considerate.

I am not a bad choice, but a person who has made bad choices.

Psalm 23

So often we read scripture as if it were a novel.  However, the Bible is a book of recollections and promises.  As I read Psalm 23, I am reminded of all the wonderful promises that God has in store for me.  When the world appears to get worse and worse, I can rely on the word of God to remind me of the prophecies, recollections, and promises He has given.

Psalm 23: 1-2

1a) The Lord is my shepherd.  God is my protector.  He is my guide.  He is my provider.  He is my savior.  A shepherd does not just watch over the sheep, but a shepherd literally takes care of the sheep.  A shepherd ensures nothing attacks the sheep, and he leads the sheep to calm streams of water for drink.  A good shepherd knows the number of sheep in his charge, and will leave none behind.  This is the Lord, our good Shepherd.  As His sheep, you can rest assured that you are not alone and that He is taking care of you, protecting you, leading you, and providing for you.

1b) I shall not want.  God has promised to provide for our every need.  Here it is simply stated that we will not be in lack or want.  God, in all His riches will provide for us.

2a) He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:  Here God promises that we will be led to a place of abundance.  Green represents life and provision.  So, God is going to lead you to the pastures of provision and abundance.  There is nothing to fear if we follow His leading.

2b) He leadeth me beside the still waters.  Sheep will not drink from a rushing stream.  A good shepherd knows that in order for his sheep to drink, he has to pt them in front of a still body of water. So, God knows what we can handle and what it takes to nourish us.  He will not put steak in front of us if we are still on milk.  However, He won't put milk in front of us if He knows we can handle steak.  He is an all knowing God and He does what is best for us and what is in our best interest.  We may think we are ready for something when in fact we are not.  God will not lead us into a place to be destroyed or shamed.  He will put us at the table that is serving the appropriate meal for our spiritual maturity.


When we find things are not going the way we have planned, let us remember that God is in control.  As a Good Shepherd, He is doing what is in our best interest to provide, preserve, protect, guide and save us.

Trust in His plan and in His method. Let the Shepherd be the Lord of your life.

Don’t Give Up

It seems that there is a lot of hardships going on.  Life is beating people up and some have decided to throw in the towel.  However, I would say to those who are contemplating ending the fight, giving up, or just lying down, “don’t give up”.  I know things can get bad at times and your experiences may have come back to back. 

But your present situation does not determine your final destiny. 

Where you are now is not where you will remain if you choose not to give up.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.  Continue to speak life, success, and accomplishment over yourself.  Look in the mirror and see the greatness inside of you. 

Make daily confessions that dispute your current situation:

I am successful.  I will find a job.  I will finish school.  I am smart.  I can do this.  I am worthy.  I am beautiful.  I will not give up.  Things will look better.

Don’t let negative thoughts take you to a place of darkness and depression.  You will have to combat every negative thought with a positive one.  If you are a Christian, remember what the Bible says about you, and confess this when you are confronted with negativity. 

Remember success and accomplishment come in different sizes, colors, races, and genders.

Your success may not look like the next person, but it does not diminish your accomplishment.

I was a single parent for a very long time.  So, sometimes I had to count my successes daily.  Some of these included being able to provide a meal for my children and myself.  Sometimes it was simply having enough gas to get us to school and work.  Other times it was being able to see my children look at me with a smile and eyes filled with unconditional love.  My children were my driving force.  They were the reason I worked hard, completed school, and woke up every day.  They were my accomplishment and my success.  The fact that they were here on earth was enough to push me into tomorrow. 

Find the thing that pushes you into your tomorrow and makes you want to do more and do better.  Whatever you do, do not give up.  Your destiny is still being written and your purpose is still valid.  Keep pushing, keep moving forward, and you will see your successes and your accomplishments come to fruition.

Failure

Sometimes you feel like a failure, but this does not mean you are one.  There are several steps to success.  This oftentimes involves missing the mark or failing in the process.  So, though you may not get the results you desire on the first try, don't give up.  Try again.  Change some things and make it a better attempt.

Failure is the first step to success!

Faith

Faith is not what you are able to see, but what is unseen

So when your life is in shambles, remember God has all the puzzle pieces

And He will put them together at will; one piece here and another there

When you are hanging on by a thread, remember that God holds the fabric of your being and He will never unravel

When your sight begins to fail, trust God enough to follow Him blindly knowing he will never lead you wrong

When everything is thrown at you, have faith in God to know that He is shielding the darts of the enemy

When no words you can utter, remember the Holy Spirit will pray for you

When hell comes at you, trust that a standard will rise, preventing any victory the enemy thought he would have

When death comes knocking, trust in the blood of Jesus that causes the death angel to pass over

Though you can’t see God working on your behalf, your extreme faith knows that He is

So when you are overwhelmed by the cares of this world stop, lift your head, open your eyes to the Heavens, and be reminded of who is your help

My God won’t let me die

My Lord won’t let me fail

My faith won’t let me forget

Paula Bibbs-Samuels

9/26/2015

Today may not be what you expected, but it is better than the alternative....death.

Better

You expect me to claim “BETTER” after all I’ve been through?

You want me to overlook the hurt and the pain of several years?
Huh! You say “let it go and move on”
Do you understand where I come from?
I’m not talking about a snubbed toe or a dirty look
I’m talking about guns being shot at me and being hit with a right hook
I’m talking about rejection from friends and family alike
Boyfriends cheating and staying out all night
I’m speaking of experiencing death of several loved ones
My mom included
And you say "don’t be bitter?!"
Tell me how? Show me the better you speak of
Because I’m looking at church people who have lied on me
And all the while shouting and speaking in tongues
I’m dealing with losing jobs and not being able to pay the bills
All while trusting in you and trying to be still
Bitterness has become my very best friend
And you say “Better”, so my problems to you I lend
I will give to you my hurts, my pain, and my shame
I will lay at the altar those things I wish to gain
You say look to the hills from where I will find help
You tell me not to look back, but to focus on my next step
All the things that have happened to me in my past
You say are gone away, because I am now made new
So I release the people who have offended me
And I forgive those who have caused me hurt
I stand before you broken, stripped, and naked
And I say, “Lord, do the work”
I will not move from your presence
Nor from the altar will I leave
I will stay on the Potter’s wheel
Until you, God, are done with me
I renounce my allegiance to bitterness
And I walk in love and forgiveness
You have for me a hope and a future
So, I will no longer be bitter, but Better