Depression

There was a time that I battled depression.  The funny thing is, I knew I was depressed but had no way of "pulling myself out of it".  For those who have never battled with this condition, let me tell you, it is not as easy as it seems to "just get over it," nor is it simple to "keep it moving".  For me, this condition could have been debilitating, except for the fact that I had children in the home.  There was mornings that I could barely drag myself out of the bed.  Dressing was like lifting 200 pound weights.  Brushing my teeth required a large amount of strength and endurance.  These things don't seem feasible to one who has not battled depression, but understand it is a real, everyday occurrence for those who experience depression.

It's hard to even describe this malady.  Most believe if you were stronger, you would not have to deal with such a wimpy condition as depression.  Yet, many are taking their own lives because of depression.  Many feel worthless, unwanted, and at a loss because of depression.  

Depression is not a weak person's ailment, but an ailment.  This ailment can cause many other areas of one's life to suffer.  Depression is real, BUT there is a remedy, a cure, if you will.  That cure is Christ.  I found that when I walk according to the Bible, keeping my mind stayed on Christ, I don't fall into depression.  When I am consumed with giving praise for the good and the bad alike, I can't be down in the dumps at the same time.  When I am in the joy of the Lord, depression is nowhere to be found.

So, my endeavor is to stay connected to Christ so that I can overcome depression.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

May God's Blessings be upon you!

Be Encouraged!

Let your day be filled with laughter.
Let your light so shine.
Let your peace confound others.
Let you be surrounded by love.
Let your heart be filled.
Let your shoulders be light.
Let your conversation be useful.
Let your walk be upright.
Let your memories be sweet.
Let your smile be pure.
Let your expectations be met.
Let your day be good.
Let your night be better.
Be encouraged.

God Is In Control

Never let your current situation determine your future destination.
Always remember that God is in control of everything.  He may allow some things to happen, but it does not mean He has left you to fend alone. 


Don't let a negative experience cause a series of negative experiences. 


God is in control.

Clear Separation

As I ponder this title, I am reminded of a glass window.  When looking through the glass, you can see clearly to the other side.  For instance, if it is raining outside and I’m inside a house, I can look through the window and see the rain.  I can see puddles being formed, people splashing, some with umbrellas trying to protect themselves from the rain, and cars driving through puddles, causing a splash.  I can see all of this and never get wet as long as I stay in the house. 

The Lord has told me that we need to be sure there is a “clear separation” between Christians and sinners.  The calamity we’ve seen thus far is nothing compared to what is going to happen, to what’s coming.  Christians need to be sure they are covered/sheltered under the wings of God.  Then, we will only see what happens and we won’t have to experience it ourselves. 

Take heed.

Psalm 91:1-7;  (KJV)

¹ He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

³ Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

⁴ He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

⁵ Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

⁶ Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

⁷ A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

MOMMY JOURNAL - PART 1

As I walk into the doors yet again, I am filled with dread.  I hate coming to this place and for this reason.  I hate the smells of the entire building, so clean it holds a stench.  I hate seeing all these people in either scrubs or lab coats.  It’s depressing to know that I have to spend yet another day in this place, trying to keep my spirits up in order to not be a burden to her.  As I ride in the elevator, I am both relieved and anxious about being alone.  I am relieved because I know the tears will come.  I am anxious because I don’t want them to come.  You would think my tear ducts would stop creating tears.  I don’t eat, don’t drink, and barely sleep, so I am not sure where they are coming from.  As I ride up in the elevator, I try to hold my breath, floor 2.  On the third floor, I exhale loudly.  On the fourth floor, I feel my eyes watering.  On the fifth floor, one sole tear escapes and rolls down my cheek.  On the sixth floor, my destination floor, tears are streaming down my face, but there is no sound, silent tears.  As the door dings and opens, I wipe my tears and take several calming, deep breaths.  My self-talk, “get it together, you can do this!  You will not walk in there with tears running down your face!  You will be strong for her!”  I get to the room, gently push the door open, and walk in.  I look towards the bed, and I see my mom.

How do you prepare for someone you love to die?  I mean, you see them every day struggling to stay in this world, for what?  For me?  My mom was holding on literally for dear life for her children.  Me, the baby of the bunch, refused to believe that my mom would leave me.  I mean, I had two sisters, but only one mom.  How could she leave?  Could I let her go?  She appeared to be sleeping when I walked in so I took a seat next to her bed and began to pray.  I prayed for healing.  I prayed for longevity of life.  I prayed every prayer I knew to pray, silently.  I touched her hand, and held on.  There was a sixth sense that this would be our last time alone.  At one point my mom opened her eyes and looked directly at me and said, “I am ready.  I am not scared.”  My heart broke.  My world shook.  My breath was gone.  “NNNNOOOOOOOO!” rang in my head, but no words came from my mouth.  I couldn’t chance trying to voice anything.  My mother; my rock, my world, closed her eyes, squeezed my hand, and went back to sleep.  I stayed for at least another hour.  I had to savor that moment.  

Not until my children called, did I find the strength to move.  So, in slow motion, I stood, and walked to the dreaded isolation box called the elevator.  It seemed it took an eternity to get to the first floor.  I headed to the exit, hating and loving the doors at the same time.  Loving it, because I was going to get away from the stench, the lab coats, the scrubs, and the dread.  Hating it, because I was leaving my mother in this place of death preparation.  For, all they could do was “keep her comfortable”.  What exactly does that mean?  I should have asked when I had the chance.

Don't Carry The Load

There are times that we find ourselves overwhelmed with life and its challenges.  It is in these times that we must remember that God never intended for us to carry the weight of the world.  He indicates that His burdens are light and His yoke is easy.  So when you are overwhelmed, lost, and at your breaking point, be reminded that it is not our job to do what belongs to God.
Cast your cares on Him.  He is waiting for you to relinquish your control over a situation that you hold no control over.

Take a deep breath in, and when you release it, also release your cares, concerns, hopes, and dreams to the One that can change things.

Be strengthened in the Lord.

Good Communication Is Key

Recently I was forced to pay close attention to how I communicate with others.  I tend to utilize brutal honesty in cases when I am tired or extremely frustrated.  I tend to shut down when I am angry, and I am closed off when hurt.  I am overly responsive when things are good.  So, this wonderful array of responses can really throw someone off their game when communicating with me.  A person is not sure what type of response they will get from me, because they are not sure what emotion I am going through that day.

During a training, the topic of communication was brought up, and I was slapped with the fact that my communication style is not the best.  Though humans are emotional beings, this does not automatically give me the right to respond in my emotions, spewing confusion onto those who have no clue what is going on in my personal or professional life.  My bluntness often comes as a form of attack and a first strike.  If I strike you first, you are less likely to rebut.  This is a form of aggression and not acceptable in most circles. 

I have been forced to look within and find the root of my behaviors and I am glad to say that I am learning things about myself that I have paid little or no attention to in the past.  I know there is always room for improvement, and I tend to improve upon myself until I am no longer breathing.

I ask you all to do the same.  Look within and find out what can be improved upon in your lives and make the necessary changes to be the best you you can be.  It will not be an easy feat, trust me.  However, once you have changed one thing for the better, you will be encouraged to continue the process.  This change is not for anyone else’s benefit, but for yourself. 

Communication is a large part of my everyday life.  I need to know that when I communicate with others, that there is no malice and no misinterpretation of what I am saying.  I need the people to know that what I say comes from a place of honesty and consideration. 

There is a saying that you only get one chance to make a first impression.  While this may be true, there are still opportunities in any relationship to either build or severe.  I choose to build.  What about you?